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There are people who consider that the best relationship that can exist between a mother and her daughter is a relationship of “best friends”.
However, this situation leads to a risk: over time, this can promote the appearance of mutual rivalry, loss of respect, confusion of roles and even invasion of private life.
Children need an adult who gives them an example, a referent of authority and respect. That orients them and provides them with protection and support so that they are in a position to deploy this emotional stability and mental health that they need and that gives some order to their existence.
The problem with this type of relationship is that the healthy limit that must exist in a mother-daughter relationship disappears.
In the beginning, this link must be a link between accompaniment and education. But an apparent friendship transforms this into a manipulative and overprotective bond towards the girl.
The consequence is that a model of respect and authority cannot be built, because the mother is perceived as a similar.
In this type of relationship, unhealthy and confused, a high level of insecurity is generated in the girl, because her decisions are subject to the knowledge and approval of her mother or, on the contrary, she will feel neglected. This sign of overprotection becomes detrimental in the development of the personality of the girl because it generates a harmful dependence between the two.
1. When the figure of authority is not clearly understood on the part of the girl, she feels a feeling of lack of protection. His trust is hurt. She will doubt when making decisions and will compromise her aspiration for independence.
That the mother-daughter relationship is not a relationship of friends does not mean that it cannot be intimate and rewarding for both.
2. But there’s a difference between being friends and being a mother and a daughter. Without a doubt, a good mother will always look for the best for her daughter. But that does not give him the right to invade her private life, under the pretext of approaching her as a friend.
It is fundamental to understand the origin of this phenomenon. In most cases, this behavior on the part of the mother highlights emotional conflicts related to dependence.
And in some cases, these conflicts are accompanied by depression and fear that the girl repeats her mistakes. Thus, the mother is obliged to resolve her conflicts on her side or with the help of a professional.
How do I have a good relationship with my daughter?
Girls know they don’t necessarily have to obey their friends. That’s why a mother has to be loving and firm at the same time.
In addition, a girl has no reason to know her mother’s intimate problems. This leads to unfounded fears, sadness, and confusion in the relationship with his parents.
It is advisable that this type of relationship is transparent. It is important to build spontaneous trust and not trust based on taxation. Otherwise, there is a permanent state of anguish and lack of trust, which leads to an unnecessary emotional rift that can be avoided.
On the other hand, both the mother and the daughter have to talk about these problems if they detect them. It is not healthy to silence what can hinder us in the other. It is necessary to express it, always in a climate of sincerity and respect. So the relationship will be healthy and free.
1. Stop blaming: Mothers cannot all and are not responsible for everything.
2. Admit that like any human relationship, the mother-daughter relationship is a relationship that is not perfect, that evolves in time. Conflicts are not signs of failure: As long as there is conflict, there is dialogue. These periods are not easy to live but are part of the relationship.
3. Accept that it is not easy to find the right distance with a being that was carried in his belly. Especially since he has the same sex as you. This may be tempting to want a “mini-me “. In this case, the work for the mother will be to understand that the child is not an extension of oneself and accept that this person is different. It’s always a surprise for a mother to see that her daughter has desires that are her own and very different.
4. For girls, do not seek to be in repair at all costs. When there are real structural difficulties, you have to get away from your mother.
5. Jealousy can be part of the relationship. And it doesn’t matter. Both ways. It is the equivalent of the Oedipus complex. The girl’s job is going to be to envy her mother a little, it’s not pathological. Drawing inspiration from a model helps to grow. And for the mother: consenting to see her daughter Hatch, flourish, is also to take the measure of aging and time that passes, and to transform it into positive.
6. Pay attention to what they say, be attentive, delicate. Sentences pronounced by a mother, are “gong phrases” for the girl who wants to please her mother. The girl, to build herself, needs a positive look. “You wouldn’t have a little bead?” says his mother, it’s terrible. When one feels attacked by the words of his daughter or daughter by those of his mother: practicing the step aside, humor.
7. When there are periods of tension. There are mothers and daughters who are happy to see each other, but very quickly their language goes beyond their thinking, and the dialogue turns to conflict. Maybe do things together, there: go to the movies, make a nice walk, to be in the “do ” and avoid the conflict to explode.
8. Be in acceptance: The mother’s mission is to be a relay for her child.
9. Work his trust: in himself, in his daughter, in life… It is when a mother trusts her that she gives her best to her daughter. She can then better teach her to be courageous, strong, and to assume her desires.